


Not A Day Goes By

by her_majesty_wears_jeans



Category: Terra Nova (TV)
Genre: Gen, Mostly Canon Compliant, Pre-Canon, Unresolved Romantic Tension, crude language here and there, i'm calling fifty-fifty on romantic and platonic aspects of their relationship, little to no dialogue, make of that what you will, very light angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-07
Updated: 2019-07-07
Packaged: 2020-04-12 05:59:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19126024
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/her_majesty_wears_jeans/pseuds/her_majesty_wears_jeans
Summary: "She had snuck out a few times, out of spite as much as to avoid going stir crazy, which would have been all too easy what with Hope Plaza being all white walls and sterile equipment and scientists and bureaucrats and politicians. The lure of the outside world was only due to the change of pace, though. There was nothing out there for her anymore. Nor was there in Hope Plaza. Everything she was supposed to have was in Terra Nova.--Her future was 85 million years in the past.She didn’t appreciate the irony."Taylor spent 118 days in the Cretaceous jungle by himself, but Wash was waiting just as long to get to him.





	Not A Day Goes By

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back in this fandom! And it took me less than a year to finish this one! 
> 
> Anyway, here's my take on what happened with the first pilgrimage, ft. a frustrated Wash and unfortunately, only hypothetical dinosaurs. Hope you like it, and as always, feedback is appreciated!

It was miserably late as Alicia stalked out of the locker room and into the small yet pristine gym. Not late enough to be considered early yet, unfortunately, but at least that meant she had the whole place to herself as no one else was awake. She should have been sleeping as well, but after weeks of lying in bed without even bothering to close her eyes since she knew that sleep continued to avoid her, she’d given up on the idea of a good night’s rest. Fretting over Taylor had her up, at the gym or on a jog or whatever she could do to try to take her mind off things.

Stretching her arms while jumping to make sure her muscles weren’t taken completely by surprise by the late-night workout, Alicia circled the punching bag and started with her usual round of less-intense punches to warm up. She could barely remember the last time she had spent long enough in one place to be able to fall into any kind of routine. Now that she was stuck at Hope Plaza, though, it seemed all she had was time. 

What had been supposed to be two days had turned into two months – which was now slowly turning into four. Alicia was going crazy.

Noticing that her punches were growing unnecessarily sharp, she tried to shift the gear of her thoughts. She would have to find better gloves for working the bag; her body hadn’t otherwise protested the increasing visits to the gym, but her knuckles had. She didn’t want to have to explain the bruised state of her hands to anyone walking past her in the halls of Hope Plaza. They were mostly civilians and therefore didn’t realize that idleness had her looking for action from wherever she could find it, however fabricated it was. 

Everyone should’ve thanked their luck that she had found an outlet for her growing frustration other than shooting any of the scientists that had at first pestered her with details each more trivial than the last but in turn, had clamped their mouths shut and refused to share any information with her as of late. Alicia was one conversation away from using them for target practice.

She’d learned to use exercise as a way to clear her head already in her teens, and it was currently the only thing that kept her from climbing the walls. It also kept her in shape and although that wasn’t her primary goal, it was a bonus she treasured since it further served to give her some peace of mind. 

Since the portal had shut down after Taylor had gone through, several soldiers that had been meant to follow him had fled the expedition. Like rats off a sinking ship, people were joking, some wondering if they’d done the right thing. Alicia didn’t really care, nor did she understand why the brass was so on edge about it. The deserters would have found a way to leave anyway and had just seized the opportunity. They weren’t important enough to be missed.

She could understand why everyone was so nervous, and the current situation definitely wasn’t putting anyone at ease, but she as sure as Hell wasn’t going to bail out. The waiting game probably made the rest of their unit anxious since they needed to be ready to leave on short notice – but for her, it was comforting. The only way she could help Taylor was to be prepared, to be ready to go through the portal as soon as the techs would get the damn thing working again.

No one really knew what to expect from the other side of the ripple in time, so preparations were based on educated guesses. The scientists had had several heated arguments about the equipment, both with each other and the members of their expedition. Alicia had rolled her eyes at most of the issues, tired of explaining that it mattered very little what size the mosquitoes there were; the wildlife was looking to kill humans on all eras. The high-tech equipment was nice, for sure, but the most important preparations were done inside one’s mind. Experience helped, even in situations they hadn’t been in before.

Alicia didn’t really know the first pilgrimage that well; the downside of the meticulous vetting process was that the people were practically handpicked and thus mostly total strangers to one another. So, although she knew all of them were supposed to answer to Taylor, her status as his second wasn’t yet widely recognized. She understood that the power structure was hazy in their current situation, which was why she hadn’t bothered trying to make anyone do things they didn’t want to be told to do. They’d learn once they’d make it to the Cretaceous. 

The lieutenant pips in her BDUs still relatively new, Alicia had yet to get used to people searching her out simply because of her rank rather than the value of her expertise. Taylor had told her over and over again that she’d more than earned the promotion, but she didn’t like the feeling she got from those people, as if they thought she worked so hard only because she had something to prove. Although Alicia had always wanted to climb the ladder, Terra Nova wasn’t a competition for her; her main focus at the moment was Taylor.

About an hour later, when her muscles started to tire, Alicia left the gym and stepped into the shower. The water was just warm enough that she didn’t really notice it as it hit the skin on her back. Any temperature water was a luxury, she knew but couldn’t really care less at that point anymore. She’d already savored her last shower; the cool tiles under her feet, the artificial-smelling soap, the soft yet linty towel.

She’d been living her last day on Earth for the past one hundred and some days; she was done being sentimental and grateful. Now she was just infuriated. She’d already gone through it all. Donated her few possessions to the homeless. Said goodbye to her friends and family. Said goodbye to Taylor. Mentally prepared to be nothing but dust on the other side of the portal – or worse, to be reduced to bits flowing in the space between the past and the present forever. (Gotten a headache from that thought). Suicide mission or not, Alicia had made her peace with it.

And what had followed was nothing. She was in limbo. Taylor was a fucking Schrödinger’s cat. To say her patience was wearing thin would’ve been an understatement. There were only so many existential conundrums she could take, and she’d reached her limit months ago.

Waiting, for someone like her who was used to thinking on her feet, to reacting rather than preventing, to rush and chaos and fire and adrenaline, was excruciating. She could battle her growing frustration by preparing for the mission, but in reality, there was nothing she could do but to wait for the scientists to do their job. She didn't like having her actions be out of her control and depending on others; she felt utterly useless in a way she hadn’t in years.

Alicia hated the memories the feeling brought back. Even though she had slowly learned to deal with them, learned to think about Somalia in a way that had only a passive, lingering pain shooting through her, she still didn’t want to rehash the events. In this case, it was time and not practice that helped. The scar running through her lower back and left side had faded, but due to the lack of exposure to sunlight, still had a pinkish hue instead of her normal olive tan.

Despite the fact that she’d been cleared for full physical duty over three years ago, her life after the injury had been filled with paperwork and routine missions. Terra Nova was supposed to be her next big one.

Even after Taylor had finally been allowed to read her in, she had underestimated the vastity of the operation. She could understand the secrecy, given the amount of money and time invested in the science behind it, but the measures the high-ups were taking seemed ridiculous. Everyone involved in the operation was monitored extremely closely, which irked Alicia beyond belief. Her days were littered with briefings and scheduled down to the most insignificant detail. She was a soldier, so it wasn’t like restrictions bothered her, and it wasn’t even that hard to move around without anyone noticing (it hadn’t taken her half a week to figure out the best route to the gym), but she hated being watched and controlled for no reason; it made her feel like a science experiment.

She had snuck out a few times, out of spite as much as to avoid going stir crazy, which would have been all too easy what with Hope Plaza being all white walls and sterile equipment and scientists and bureaucrats and politicians. The lure of the outside world was only due to the change of pace, though. There was nothing out there for her anymore. Nor was there in Hope Plaza. Everything she was supposed to have was in Terra Nova.

Alicia stepped back into the locker room, her hair spraying water on the walls and the floor as she flopped down on the bench next to the uselessly damp towel.

Her future was 85 million years in the past.

She didn’t appreciate the irony. 

* * *

The mandatory science briefings were a pain. Not because of the topics as they were somewhat interesting, (Taylor had always joked that maybe she would’ve been better off in a lab somewhere; more often than not, she’d punched him for it, quipping that he of all people should be grateful she’d chosen to become a field medic instead) and Alicia knew the information was important, but after a while, the theory had begun to lose all its meaning to her. All the theory in the world wouldn’t help them if they didn’t get the portal back in business and get on with it already, get to _him_ already.

Frankly, she was becoming a little less concerned about their mission and more concerned about Taylor day by day.

The brass and the people at Hope Plaza were in two minds about Taylor’s fate. The operation, as far as she knew, was still on, so at least some of them must have believed that he was still alive – or they didn’t care, didn’t think it mattered – but some were certain that he’d died. That a random dino had eaten him after a couple of days. At the very least, he would’ve starved by now. Alicia scoffed at that. The elements wouldn’t do away with Nathaniel Taylor. He had seen all of it during his time in the service. It was just jungle, besides, Cretaceous or not. They’d managed the jungle before. 

The dino theory she could, regrettably, believe, but she refused to think about it. She hadn’t been able to stop herself from decking the last guy who had been a little too insistent, and a little too condescending, in trying to get her to consider the possibility that Taylor might not have survived. She knew he had. He had to have.

The most troubling fact was that it wasn’t even his physical health that was her only concern. 100 plus days alone in the wild would mess with a mind even as strong as his. There were times when his head wasn’t a good place to be at all, Alicia knew that. She wanted to get to him, _needed_ to get to him. It was the second time she felt she’d abandoned her commanding officer in some godforsaken jungle when he would’ve needed her the most. She knew neither of the times had been necessarily her fault, or even in her control, but that didn’t stop the train of thought. It was all so wrong.

“I’m beginning to think I should confiscate your gun, lieutenant”, Guzman said humorously, bringing Alicia back to the present, “Just to ease the scientists’ minds.”

Masking the light jump his unexpected comment had caused, Alicia looked at the man questioningly. She followed his line of sight to her hip, realizing only then that her fingers had found their way to her holster and were tapping an uneven rhythm against the handle of her gun.

She lowered her hand swiftly, narrowing her eyes. “I’m not sure I like what you’re implying, tempting as it is.”

Unfazed by her somewhat cool tone, Guz smiled at her nonthreateningly and continued, “I was just wondering if your new tactic is to scare them into fixing the portal so _they_ can escape to the Cretaceous. There are definitely dinos that look less murderous than you did at the meeting just now.”

Alicia’s remark died on her tongue as she spotted a young engineer coming towards them. The man’s eyes went wide with recognition before he lowered his head to keenly observe his shoes, nearly walking into the wall in order to pass them with as much distance as possible in the narrow hallway.

Alicia shoved Guz by his shoulder when he burst out laughing, unable to keep a smirk from forming on her lips.

Guz was a rare bright spot in her days. The appointed head of security could occasionally be a little tightly wound, but he understood her. He understood the agitation, shared it, even – and most importantly, seemed to understand what she didn’t say, though he never mentioned it. He had been the one to step between her and the asshole she’d punched the previous week. Guz hadn’t confronted Alicia about it afterwards, just let her walk away from the scene while he’d diffused the situation so the guy wouldn’t run off to demand disciplinary actions.

Per a silent agreement, they started walking down the halls next to Hope Central that was, as usual, buzzing with scientists. No one else was allowed in anymore. Taylor would have teased Alicia endlessly about the fact that she had happened to be the last person there before the ban had taken place, even though she hadn’t had anything to do with the tightened security; it had been months ago, back when she had still been able to feel sympathy towards the nervous and puzzled scientists.

Coming to a halt, Alicia leaned against the railing, and for a moment they stood on the observation platform in silence, looking down at the portal that was supposed to be mankind’s salvation but currently served as the bane of her existence.

“Seriously speaking, do you have any new ideas about what we could do?” Guz asked quietly, his voice tinted with defeat that had Alicia grip the railing tighter.

“I’m out of ideas, Guz.”

Out of patience, as well.

She wasn’t supposed to loiter the halls of Hope Plaza while Taylor was out in a jungle fending for himself. They had been separated for too long, both the mental and physical repercussions of Somalia preventing joint missions. Even after he’d finally read her in about Terra Nova, she had barely seen him from all the meetings. They had only been able to briefly, very briefly, catch up before he’d gone through the portal. Taylor had been less grumpy about it than she had, telling her they’d have time to talk once she’d follow in a few days.

She’d been optimistic too, back then. When it had only been two days before she’d join him, and then they’d be by each other’s side like they were supposed to. Alicia couldn’t bear the idea that she would never see him again. 

She had thought about it at times, let herself consider the possibility that he might not have survived. Shut down the pain and looked at it rationally. Terra Nova had been Taylor’s baby; he’d believed in it despite the poorly-disguised panic of half of the scientists on the project. Alicia had believed in it because he had. Would she be up for it, running the operation without him, _for_ him? She believed she would, not that she wanted to. They were supposed to go together, she beside him – or at least, just after him. As his second. He’d probably known she would accept in a heartbeat even before offering her a place in the mission.

She’d been tired of the current situation for years; tired of war, of people racing to kill each other before the planet they’d poisoned would. Everything was dying, not least morals. Alicia was sick of fighting when there was nothing to be won. She needed a cause to believe in. She’d powered through by making Taylor that cause for her, as he had always been to an extent, but it had been wearing thin. She’d started to feel pathetic before long, basing her actions on a man she had no right to want.

She was fighting the feelings she’d never realized before, or rather never let herself acknowledge. It had hit her the first time she’d saved his life that she could never view Taylor as just her commanding officer. His admiral of her suturing technique, masked behind dry humor and a certain disregard of his own health, had struck a chord with her. Alicia had quickly learned the way Taylor’s mind worked, studied his body language enough to be able to move in tandem with him. Their seamless teamwork had attracted attention and guaranteed that they had been placed together as often as possible. Mission after mission of having each other’s backs, of witnessing the very worst of human nature, of playful teasing and soothing hands over an injury had solidified their relationship; Alicia had slowly resigned to keeping her feelings if not professional, at least platonic.

She’d been fairly successful for years. Taylor had had a wife and a son whom both Alicia had loved dearly. Befriending Ayani had buried any and all inappropriate feelings back to a small box in her mind. Alicia still missed the woman who’d become her touchstone outside of the military. 

Her carefully constructed life had come crumbling down after Somalia. She’d seen how gruesome war could be, but the aftershock of that one had left her trembling like never before. Alicia had lost someone she had considered family and had had to watch Taylor go through the loss of his wife while she’d been both too bedridden and guilt-ridden to be there for him.

In the end, it had of course been Taylor who’d pushed through their shared pain and dragged her to the surface. Keeping score was as needless as it was impossible when they kept each other out of harm’s way for a living, so Alicia knew she didn’t really own Taylor anything for helping her put things back in perspective. Still. He’d been essential in preventing her life from going off the rails after Somalia. She was used to the situation being the other way around; to being the one to patch him back together.

She wasn’t there to stop him from getting killed now. After an argument with a botanist of all people had left her seriously considering storming the platform and jumping through the portal to make sure any overgrown hydrangeas wouldn’t eat her commanding officer, Alicia had had to admit it to herself, as horrifying as the truth was. The intensity of her anxiety over Taylor was no longer within the ranges of a subordinate or a friend. She was furious with herself. Of course, she’d seen it in Taylor’s eyes as well, the suppressed want neither of them was ready to face, but she’d always found something else to chalk it up to. She’d been okay with the situation for almost a decade and only submitted to thinking Taylor romantically during the past four months. Out of sight, out of mind definitely didn’t work for her.

Alicia was a little worried about what would happen once they weren’t under the eyes of people of 2142, restricted only by their own respect for the command structure. But they’d be busy building the colony. She’d be busy. So, it was only now she had to get over the girlish fantasies about her CO; they wouldn’t do once she got to him.

And she _would_ get to him. Taylor had personally brought her in for the mission, knowing she’d needed something substantial to get her out of bed every morning. The idea of a clean slate and a second chance had been enough to do that. Now, Alicia was a little scared the brass might pull the plug on the whole operation if the scientists didn’t get the portal fixed soon enough. She would need to come up with a contingency plan to get to the Cretaceous. She was going. Taylor had promised her. Terra Nova was the first time in too long that she had something to fight for, which in itself was also something to fight for. 

* * *

The following weeks it became almost impossible for Alicia to even feign interest in anything frivolous. Although it was pretty obvious, Guz, per usual, let her be, only pinching her when she failed to mask the way her thoughts drifted during meetings.

Her restlessness was slowly morphing into recklessness in a subconscious effort to break the Groundhog Day she was living. In lieu of sleeping, she continued to push herself even harder during her nightly sessions, to the point where her body started to ache from both the lack of sleep and the extreme workouts. She snuck out more frequently, out from the dome, to wander the deserted streets without a rebreather so she could remember why she needed to put up with everything.

In hindsight, Alicia doubted she could’ve taken another day when the agony finally stopped. She was heading back to her room after a short stroll on the grounds of Hope Plaza, to find Guz banging on her door with a force that was sure to wake up everyone within earshot.

“If there’s a rumor about desperate booty calls tomorrow, I’m shooting you in the knees”, she said by way of greeting, enjoying the little jump she got from him due to her unannounced presence.

Guz turned around, ignoring her quip. Even in the considerately dimmed lights of the hallway, she could see the glow on his face turn into a slight frown.

“Where were you? I was looking for you.”

Alicia considered answering the question for a few seconds but decided deflecting it would be quicker. “What’s happened?”

Guz wasn’t the type to insist on being involved in other people’s affairs, but the speed with which he accepted her avoidance made Alicia curious.

“They fixed the portal.”

Alicia paused. “Really?” she couldn’t help asking, although even the unceremonious announcement had her biting her lower lip to keep her face from splitting into a stupid grin.

She suspected Guz mirrored her expression as he nodded his confirmation and continued, “We’re going through in the morning.”

Just like that, all of her frustration melted away, making way for determination and focus. She didn’t care about the short notice, the gears in her head shifting to on-duty swiftly and smoothly.

118 days. Taylor had been in the jungle for 118 days, fighting to survive while she’d been stuck at Hope Plaza, trying not to lose her sanity. It had felt like an eternity for Alicia, but it didn’t matter anymore as she stood at Hope Central, waiting for the scientist to give them the go-ahead.

The loud hum coming from the portal cut through the nervous energy that filled the room. Alicia could feel the buzz on her skin, surprised that it didn’t really differ from the usual thrill of a new assignment. She was operating on four hours of fitful sleep but had never felt more alert. 

Her face carefully expressionless despite the sound of her heartbeat drumming in her ears, Alicia looked around at the men and women gathered on the platform. In a moment, they would all have said goodbye to the 22nd century – either permanently or, hopefully, a little less so.

She was ready for either outcome. Whatever to end the constant state of in-between her life had been for the past four months.

Finally, the chief science officer announced they were ready to begin. Taking a deep breath, her last thought the people she would leave behind (and the one she was supposed to get to), Alicia stepped into the portal. Distracting herself from a wave of sentimentality and agitation by fiddling with the handle of her gun, she fought to keep her head high and forced herself to keep walking. The fluorescent lights of the portal made her squint her eyes, and it wasn’t until her jacket suddenly felt excessive that she realized the brightness surrounding her wasn’t due to machines anymore. From now on, it was the Sun.


End file.
